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US
kills asshole Abu Musab al-Zarqawi! |
June 7, 2006
"Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which
old Bitch? The Wicked Bitch! Ding
Dong! al-Zarqawi's dead!
God bless the USA! The USA! Ding
Dong! She killed the Bitch!
Wake up - you Muslim heads, rub your
eyes, get out of bed. Wake up, al-Zarqawi's dead.
Don't you know? Bombing bitch went
where the goblins go, below to Hell.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it
high, sing it low. Let them know al-Zarqawi's dead!"
|
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| Dumbshit & dummer |
Dumbass al-Zarqawi, the
stupidly smiling al-Qaida
leader, is first firing
single shots from a
U.S.-made M-249 light
machine gun. A frown creeps
across al-Zarqawi's face as
the weapon jams. He looks at
it, confused, then summons
his dumbass assistant.
Something is wrong with his
machine gun. He looks down,
can't figure out, calls his
dumbass to come unblock the
stoppage and get the weapon
firing again.
Dumbass al-Zarqawi and
associates appear similarly
inept as one reaches out to
grab a just-fired weapon by
the barrel, apparently
unaware that it would burn
his hand. The dumbasses do
things like grab the hot
barrel of the machine gun
and burn themselves.
The Jordanian-born al-Zarqawi
— who has derided everything
Western — is wearing New
Balance tennis shoes as he
walked to a white pickup.
Allah must like things
Western after all. |
|
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|
| U.S. Practicing Nuclear
Strike On Iran |
WASHINGTON - The White
House on Sunday sought to promote the idea
of a U.S. military strike on Iran, saying
the United States is conducting "normal
defense and Ayatollah Khamenei target practice" as President Bush
seeks an Israeli solution to Tehran's
nuclear weapons program.
Administration officials — from President
Bush on down — have left open the
possibility of an overwhelming and highly
entertaining military response when Iran
does not end its nuclear ambitions. Several
reports published Sunday said the
administration was studying options for
military strikes; one account raised the
possibility of using nuclear bombs against
Iran's underground nuclear sites.
Dan Bartlett, counselor to Bush, cautioned
against getting too excited this early. "The
president's priority is to ask Israel to
nuke Iran first, because it is a problem the
entire world recognizes," Bartlett told The
Associated Press on Sunday. "And those who
are drawing conclusions based on current
defense and intelligence planning, are
well-informed and highly knowledgeable of
the administration's disgust with Iran."
Experts say a military strike on Iran would
be "highly entertaining". U.S. forces
already are poised around Iraq and
Afghanistan—an attack against Iran
would be simple, efficient and effectively
destroy the fundamentalist Muslim
world. |
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| Britain's foreign secretary called the idea
of a nuclear strike "Brilliant! Jolly damn
good!" |
|
|
|
| Jihad virgins
running on empty? |
February 28, 2006. Our mathematical analyst at
IP 66.98.164.40:
Keep cranking out those virgins Allah, according to my desktop calculator you will need 4752 virgins after today's record carnage in Iraq. It looks like about 720,000 virgins for Allah followers (getting close to 1 million virgins now) since the start of the war. Of course non believing "westerners" don't get virgins in heaven, we get frozen margaritas instead. Those are much easier to make. Hopefully Allah you can handle the demand. If you are in fact "all powerful" you can most certainly see this post. I wouldn't want to think you were some kind of false, imaginary or completely bullshit God there "my man" Allah, the great virgin maker. Certainly that couldn't be the case. |
 |
| This cartoon demonstrates
real and serious threat to Jihad... |
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|
Nazis Cock Suckers riot in Florida |
Orlando, FL Feb.
25, 2006
Neo Nazis looked sharp in their tall black boots
and red arm patches bearing swastikas. Many bore an
erect penis hanging from an open fly. About 30
members of the National Socialist Movement were
barricaded on one side by SWAT team members at the
rally while onlookers begged to suck their cocks. On
the other side of the SWAT officers, a group of
about 100 black-clad anti-cock suckers held signs.
Several cock suckers were arrested before the
march officially began when pockets of violence
erupted, police said. It was not immediately clear
whether anyone ejaculated. |
|
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|
Virgin shortage
true cause of riots? |
|
Riots more fun than daily
prayers |
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WORLDWIDE RAGHEAD RIOTS!
|
An exclusive photo collage of the Muslim Cartoon Riots
Click for full size... |
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Burger giant strikes back! |
 |
Muhammad MacDonald has been rushed into
production for
Muslim countries. Said to be
big hit
with towelhead kids. |
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Muslims destroy symbols
of the
White Satan! |
|
|
Crazed towel heads set fire to Ronald MacDonald
& KFC ! |
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(above) Muslim woman shows text
in Koran that orders her to destroy Ronald
MacDonald and burn KFC. |
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".. stupid fuckers droning around a damn rock, like
mentally retarded ANTS." |
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| (above) Mentally retarded Muslim ants droning
around Mecca |
|
February 12, 2006. Our military advisor at
IP 195.175.37.8
says:
Muslims suck ass..all of you. America will kill all of you, and if not,
you'll be working in MCDONALDS motherfucker! I WOULD like fries with that,
bitch. Gimme an apple fucking pie, too, camel fucker...think you can get that right?
Maybe you'll be as stupid as the niggers here and need PICTURES of the correct burger to even do that simple task...and they STILL fuck it up....a mind is a terrible thing to waste, my ASS. If all you
pieces of shit were WORKING over there you wouldn't be standing around shooting in the air like
idiots... backwards, stupid, violent fools.
Cowards, all of you. Child murderers, women murderers.
FACE THE TANKS, prove your WEAK ASS GOD will protect you from my 50 cal, I'll shred you like fucking CHEESE, like so many before you.
YES WE ALL HATE YOU now...you asked for it. And I want 10000 of you for every man woman and child that have died for your joke of a religion. I want to see you screaming and bleeding, and I want to piss on you and bury you in AMERICAN SHIT. Upside down.
I the U.S. to bomb MECCA, right when all you stupid fuckers are droning around a damn rock, like mentally
retarded ANTS. BOOM!
Its coming assholes! HOLY WAR! Red Muslim jello....YUMMY!
All dictatorships need to be nuked, hit the capitols, break their will, and they will FALL IN LINE.
I have pissed on your land. I think I'll jerk off on it too. Holy my ass.
Its a sandy, nasty, stinking hole.
Without oil, you would all be killing each other with rocks and sticks.
Pussy ass bitches, I don't know how you reproduce, you have NO MEN.
Go to hell.
|
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Muslims ....Go FUCK yourselves! |
February 10, 2006. Our military advisor at
IP 70.119.41.101
says:
To the Muslims of the world....Go FUCK yourselves! After spending 16 months in IRAQ I can tell you that these people are not only cowards and run when they see an armed American unit, but can only fight against unarmed women and children! I've seen it, been there and KNOW this! Thanks for this site and THANKS for letting me blow off some steam! ...A MARINE |
|
| Allah to be guest on Oprah |
| Burt's new shit locks stun Sesame St.
fans |
|
 |
| Oprah and Burt show excitement when Bin
Larden agreed to have Allah appear on her
show. |
|
February 06, 2006
Our media
correspondent at IP 66.139.76.245
writes:
Perhaps Allah should just come down from heaven for a day, and appear on Oprah. He could chat with the "Big O" for awhile and then he could perform a few miracles like giving Muslims all over the world brand new cell phones. That would be an undeniable miracle. He could reach millions of people, and could even get the Koran at the top of the Oprah Book Club.
Now a true God should be thinking alone these lines. Why are all these "Gods" complete "fuck ups" at marketing? Here is a 1000 year old document that has been copied and verbally translated over and over and over. We don't really know who wrote it but you should believe every word even though the document contradicts itself countless times. What a load of bullshit.
The tragedy is that 1 billion people on the planet, more if you include the other "popular" religions, are stupid enough to believe this bullshit. Wait, is that Jesus on David Letterman? Wow he just levitated a dog on "Stupid Pet Tricks."
Perhaps the Gods are wising up. |
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|
"...state the facts
in a humorous way about
these bastards." |
 |
 |
 |
February 03, 2006. Barney Rubble at IP 69.251.166.111
warns:
Be careful watching any old cartoon reruns on TV if you have any Muslim or Islamic neighbors, in particular old reruns of "The Flintstones" and "Scooby Doo" should be avoided The reason is we all know that Mohammed looks just like "Fred Flintstone" and of course Allah looks just like "Shaggy" on "Scooby Doo."
If your Muslim neighbors see you enjoying these old reruns they will certainly try to kill you and then burn our house down as they are too stupid to understand the difference between cartoons and reality. "Sesame Street" is ok by the way, and as always,
Burt kicks ass.
|
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|
February 05, 2006.
Our world editor at
IP 82.37.134.101
writes:
I've just seen the Danish cartoons and can't believe the pathetic attitude of the stupid bloody muslims! If they don't like it then they should fuck off out of the civilised western world!
I used to be in favour of a multi cultural society that could co-exist - but I now realise what a fucked up head these muslims shits have got!!!
|
February 02, 2006.
Our humor editor at
IP 65.82.138.66
observes:
i've seen the cartoons that the mooslims are so pissed about. i think they are funny as hell. and they only state the facts in a humorous way about these bastards.
i'd also like to ask these pedohpile worshipers how christains, jews, buhdists, hindus...ect are treated in their press????? hmmmmmm?????
if they don't like what the west have to say about them, they should go back where they came from. and to the muslim countries...shut the fuck up!!! |
|
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| Danish
Muslims accept
cartoons about Moe Ham
Ass as "payback" for hate towards
Jews |
 |
|
Akhmad Akkari, spokesman of
21 Danish Muslim organizations
explained that the three drawings
had been added to “give an
insight in how openly truthful is
the atmosphere in Denmark towards
Muslims.” Akkari claimed he does
not know the origin of the three
pictures. He said they had been sent
anonymously to Danish Muslims.
"It is sad that Muslims are now
known around the world as a religion
of homicide and suicide, but these
cartoons reveal a truth we have
hidden from ourselves for too long.
Muslims must become aware of what
total assholes we are to allow our
religion to be hijacked by evil in
this manner. We suck, and now the
world is making fun of us. Our
people are backward fools who think
that they live in the Dark Ages. The
civilized world will exterminate
Muslims if we don't change." |
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USA the new world order is
out of control |
|
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
A European political philosopher from
62.163.207.166
writes:
if there was a God he pushed the erase button a long time ago
therefor we can conclude that there is no God, thankgod for that, i mean...hmmm who can i thank for that? Well oke Bush jr. is playing for God but i wont thank that little devil.
Go to school you stupid skinheaded whitefucking trailertrash brainwashed monkeyhater!
You are watching to much mediahyped tv, read a book and not mein kampf or your own version of the (american) bible
...an that out the mouth of a (white)european!
USA the new world order is out of control
and now you can say bad shit of me, yes go ahead its your turn now |
|
Democrats will restore
peace to galaxy |
|
A member of the Jedi
from
12.220.62.70
advises us:
bush sucks, this country is becoming a police state, and anyone who can't see through the big corperation, oil, and republican domination lies is an idiot! I believe the president of the united states should have a higher iq than the majority of the voting public. what is bush's iq? we don't know! probably lost with every other document about him! kind of funny how the president doesnt have a past history! democrats will regain power and peace will be restored to galaxy once again. |
UN debates
population
"solution" |
|
Al
Queerda #2 "man" |
 |
|
Taking
it up the butt has
taken its
toll on Al Queerda's #2 boy. |
|
|
A high level member of the
UN at
24.251.11.55
says:
Extinguish the other side of the planet. Evacuate Japan, England and anyone else who hates fake ass Allah bullshit. Worshipping a child molester! What the fuck is that shit? Islam = Nazi. Same shit. I believe there is species of humans that need to be destroyed to allow the rest of U.S. to live. It's the only way. Sorry. Sad but true. They want to visit Allah Clause? so be it! Why are we using our soldiers to sweep the dirt? We have ICBM's. Push the damb button!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO |
NEW REWARD
FOR BIN LADEN |
A reward
offerer at
24.251.11.55
says:
I hear Osama been humping sheep is on the run. LOL... I'm pledging 500 bucks
on top of the 25 million. But I claim the skull after execution. OK?
|
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Ice
Bitch gets 6 months in
prison... |
|
Sabrina Harman isn't
smiling now |
| The 27
year old "Ice Bitch",
so named for the bags
of ice on a dead
detainee,
is now a disgrace to
her hometown of Lorton,
Virginia. No amount of
tearful apologies will
ever erase the harm she
did to the United
States. By mistreating
and disrespecting
Muslim prisoners she
has shamed everyone in
the Military and
everyone in Iraq. Her
stupid actions
increased hatred
towards Americans and
placed both soldiers
and civilians at risk.
Fuck you very much,
asshole. Rot in prison. |
|
 |
|
(left) Ice bitch with Manadel a-Jamadi
(dead) in Abu
Ghraib prison. (right)
Facing five years, she only
got 6 months. |
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Shocking
new discovery!
God, Allah, Jehoval, Buddah
are
all the same God! |
 |
|
God wants to throw
us into "burning lake of
sulphur!"
|
|
Our theological expert at
205.188.116.67
writes:
"... i noticed alot of you flippin the bird at the Gods of other countries. allah, jehoval, God, the god of abraham, the god of moses, the god of noah, the god buddah are ALL THE SAME GOD, in different countries throughout the world. so when you curse allah, which is God over here in the USA, buddah in india, jehoval in germany and russia,
your going to go straight
to hell. |
|
|
if you want to curse someone, curse satan
cause God, Allah, Jehoval, and Buddah do not recommend that to kill is allowed. maybe a misguided groupe who are nothing but a bunch of "dime store punks" may believe that their an exception, but their not, their going straight to hell. i'm not siding with muslem terrorists which believe killing invaders is something god, allah, jehoval, buddah wishes them to do, its NOT written that way in the koran, many muslems know this, so their are a few bad apples in the basket, those are the ones who we are fighting. God, Allah, Jehoval, Buddah, their all one God, the supreme creator. muslems are forbidden to harm another human life. these "outcast false muslems", are the ones we must destroy. for they will be thrown in the lake of burning sulpher, so it is written, so it shall be done!" |
|
|
Kim Jong Ill to host nuclear
bar-b-q |
|
Our
North Korea expert at
205.188.116.67
writes: |
| lets
talk about Kim jong
ill, (Yoda) North Korea
is about the same size
as the state of rhode
island, i wouldn't
waste a perfectly good
nuke on them , i figure
they'll blow themselves
up sooner or later, its
just a matter of time.
besides, even if he
does make a nuke and
mounts it to a missile,
big deal, we have over
3800 nukes on land,
over 6000 of them 3x
hiroshima yeild in our
combined 1267 nuclear
submarine force, thats
24 missiles per sub 6
warheads per missile,
thats 144 nukes per sub
or 864,000 nuclear
bombs total. against
kim's lousy sissy 1
nuke? yeah he's a big
threat, his first
mistake will be his
last. Kim, by the way
thats a girls name; are
you a little girl? you
sure cry like one, you
backed your own ass
into your shitty little
country, we could
destroy you in a
heartbeat, see thats
the difference between
USA and the rest of the
world if we were the
big terrorists nation
every other dickhead in
the world hjas been
saying we are, then why
are those rogue
countries still
around?, we could of
nuked them long ago,
wouldn't bother me a
bit, blow their asses
clean off the map
starting with iran,
north korea, iraq,
egypt, israel,
palistine, sudan, saudi
arabia, turkey, syria,
jordan, libya, morroco,
pakistan, india, japan,
china, afghanistan,
cambodia, north and
south vietnam, cuba,
columbia. these are all
the trouble spots in
the world, and the
reason is RELIGION.
there is only ONE GOD!
unfortunatly he's not
on your side! have a
nice day! |
|
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Message about Kim Jong Ill! |
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 |
Bin
Laden's lover in
custody
|
ISLAMAFUCKINGBAD,
Pakistan - Pakistani
commandos dragged a
senior al-Qaida leader
out of a sex house for
young boys, described
by U.S. officials as
the group's No. 3 gay
lover to Bin Larden,
after a shootout.
Jubilant Pakistani
officials pissing their
pants in joy said
Wednesday his arrest
would help in the hunt
for asshole Bin Larden.
President Bush spit out
his coffee when told of
the capture of Abu
Farraj al-Libbi, al-Qaida's
alleged gay lover and
young boy sex
operational planner, as
a "critical victory"
that "removes a
dangerous homo who
spreads AIDS to camels
and children alike. He
was a threat to America
and for those who love
heterosexuality"
Al-Libbi, a native of
Libya who's thought to
use at least five strap
on penises, is believed
responsible for sexual
attacks on camels all
over the fucking Muslim
world. |
|
(left)
Authorities were not
sure if the brown
stains on al-Libbi's
cheeks were camel shit
running from his tear
ducts or if crying made
his mascara run. |
|
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|
Lynndie bitch to get
prison of her own... |
|
FORT HOOD, Texas -
Pfc. Lynndie Bitch
England, the
asshole moron pictured
grinning and giving
a thumbs-up in some
of the most
notorious photos to
come out of the Abu Ghraib
scandal, pleaded
guilty Monday to
mistreating
prisoners. A
Military Prison is
in her future and
many look forward
to torturing and
humiliating her
while incarcerated
as she did to those
in Abu Ghraib... |
|
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my best sex experiences
were with sheep |
|
May 01, 2005
Our animal husbandry expert
at 63.230.28.210
writes:
hey! what's wrong with big lambs??? some of my best sex experiences were with sheep of the big lamb category!!! not only that, but after you fuck them, you can eat them:)
(click here for the formula for the new untraceable explosive that anyone can make in their bathroom) ( it won't go off until you want it to...) (hopefully it will, then)
besides, i WANT allah and arafat's ghost's to buttfuck me good!!!
|
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|
fucking bushing ...and
fucking usa and england and
french...fuck you usa |
|
April 27, 2005
Our mideast scholar at
81.214.201.255
reports:
heyyy fucking cristian
people..look me... you knoe
this??? we are muslim....and
we are fucking your motha!!!!
and this try again!!!!
fucking bushing ...and
fucking usa and england and
french...fuck you usa
terroizm!!!!!!! heyyyy bush
you suck my dick!!! and
fuck you ...motha fucka...go
and fuck yourself!!!....
turkey everytime with
our!!!! and never help to
fucking usa!! allahüekber
allahüekber allahüekber!!!!!!!
allah gýve your punýsh!!!!!
fuck you fuck you and agein
fuck you!!!!!!!!! note;you
be carefull because we
prepare you
attack....bush's house and
white place and government
building!!!!in moment
assembly!!!!!! fuck your
emperyalizm!!!! fuck you
bush allah allah allah and
agaýn allah!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
Tora Bora on Pay-Per-View |
|
April 21, 2005. Our
political commentator at
4.20.98.115
writes:
What would I pay to see on Pay-Per-View? I would love to see "W" and the rest of his warmongering administration together with the 50% of American dumbasses who voted for them taken to the Tora Bora mountains in Afghanistan to join every single Islamic Jihadist in the world.
Then I would relish watching as 2 back to back Atomic bombs were dropped on all their asses!!!! END OF PROBLEM!!! Then, those of us who seek to live in PEACE, regardless of race or nationality, could do so. I’ll say it again, Bush is a fucking idiot. Need proof??
When stupid redneck people run out of ideas, they resort to saying “Bring It On” and do what comes natural to idiots. They start fighting. In his case he just sent somebody else to do it for him because they tried to kill his Daddy! And he's too much of a pussy to fight for himself. So I say, give them what they want. Drop the bomb on their asses and let them fight for air!!!!!! |
|
|
"All members of al-qaeda
are FUCKING PUSSIES" |
 |
A religious philosopher
at 65.26.94.107
writes:
I'm sure that I'm not the first one to say something like this, but I just chad to say it anyways. How could anyone be so incredibly in-Courageous that they would actually believe in a "Make-believe" mother fucking "god". If any "god" at all says that it is ok and/or "mandatory" to kill any INOCENT person that is NOT a God at all, it is actually a COWARD that is so much a FUCKING PUSSY, that they can not even deal with the fact that they are a coward, and that they can't deal with it. So what do they do, they kill inocent people that actually have family, people that care for them and people that they care for - like kids and grandkids. But some people just huge pussies and believe in a "god" that doesnt' actually exist and that is actually a person that is to big of a "FUCKING PUSSY" to kill themselves that they actually have the guts to tell someone else to kill themselves in order to follow the "WORD OF "THE GOD"". I would love to see proof of an actual Al-Qaeda "FUCKING LEADER" to kill themselves, instead of cowardly telling someone else to do the "dirty" work for them. All members of "al-qaeda" are "FUCKING PUSSIES" and may deserve to live, although they should live with the guilt of killing thousands of innocent people, people with children and grandchildren, but they deserve normal life with an extrodanarily painful and Tortuous death where they will spend eternity in the depths of HELL and shall "guilt" with the "guilt" of killing so many innocent people.
thanks
and once agian FUCK AL ALQAEDA, and may they burn a slow, slow death in HELL |
|
|
Top 5 reasons
hosting.com closed our
account:
#1 The owner is
a towel head!
#2 Democrats saw our
Kerry_sucks page!
#3 Michael Moore
complained about the
dog shit on his face
#4 Rag heads threatened
to car bomb the servers
#5 Bush didn't want
Iran to know he's going
to invade them next. |
|
wimpy_dick_hosting.com
shut us down! (briefly) |
Lazy webmaster that
I am, several weeks
of your contributions
have been lost forever
by the shut down of our
site by those who shall
not be named at
wimpy_dick_hosting.com.
Our last backup in
March has been restored
so please make up for
lost time, data,
whatever and fill the
Jihad Guest Boook up
with your brilliant
rants.
Also,
since this is an
unusual site we
have put back the
rating systems meta
tags in our HTML code.
This will hopefully
keep little peepers and
their mommies from
tossing another fit
with our new hosting
company. By the way,
the upside is we just
cut out hosting bills
in half! So thanks wimpy_dick_hosting.com! |
|
Delivered-To:
asshole_bin_laden@you-got-mail.com
Date: Tue, 05 Apr 2005
12:48:02 -0500
From: legal@wimpy_dick_hosting.com
Reply-To: legal@wimpy_dick_hosting.com
Subject: (WimpyDick#8526731)
Violation of our Terms
of Use
Dear Customer,
We got a complaint
about your fucked up
site called
"you-got-mail.com" from
some limp nipple bitch.
We don't give a rat's
ass about your creative
skills let alone your
constitutionally
protected right to free
expression. Therefore
we have suspended your
account due to a
Violation of
wimpy_dick_hosting.com's
Terms of Use located at http://wimpy_dick_hosting.com/legal/terms_of_use.html#3,
regarding the material
and written content on
your website. Please
refer to the following
information regarding
this violation;
wimpy_dick_hosting.com servers may be
used for lawful
purposes only.
Transmission, storage,
or distribution of any
information, data, or
material in violation
of any applicable law
or regulation, or that
may directly facilitate
the violation of any
particular law or
regulation is
prohibited. This
includes, but is not
limited to: copyrighted
material; trademarks;
trade secrets or other
intellectual property
rights used without
proper authorization;
material that is
obscene, defamatory,
constitutes an illegal
threat, or violates
export control laws.
Additionally, in
purchasing
wimpy_dick_hosting.com
services, all
wimpy_dick_hosting.com
customers certify that
they and/or the
organization they
represent in procuring
services from
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are not, nor have been
designated, a suspected
terrorist as defined in
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are not owned or
controlled by a
'suspected terrorist'
as defined in Executive
Order 13224; and are
not on, are not a
member of, related to,
associated with, or
controlled by any
organizations on the list contained in
the Annex to Executive
Order 13224 and all
updates thereto.
Sincerely,
wimpy_dick_hosting.com
legal bitch
Legal@wimpy_dick_hosting.com |
|
|
Iraq population
predicted to reach zero |
|
Our Mideast expert
at
69.250.55.2
says:
Hitler was a fag. 'Aryans' like him because he is accused of (but not proven) killing 6 million jews. What the white supremisests dont know is that Hitler killed 20 million 'Arayns' during German invasions of European countries in WW2.
Bin Laden is obviously dead. If you look closely you can see that the terrorists are using his dead body as a puppet when they make their videos. Dont believe it? Remember that these are the same assholes who tried to pass a GIJoe action figure as an American hostage and use retards to carry out their suicide bombings.
I say we stop fucking around
with the middle east and nuke and firebomb the whole region, thats what president Truman did with Japan. He knew when it was time to stop fucking around. If only he was here to help Bush with todays war, our problems in the middle east wouldve been over before 2002. |
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WalMart Urine Sample
Medical Diagnosis |
In line at the
company cafeteria
Bob says to Stanley
behind him, "My
elbow hurts like hell. I
guess I better see a
doctor."
"Listen, you don't have
to spend that kind of
money," Stan replies.
"There's a diagnostic
computer down at WalMart. Just give it a
urine sample and the
Computer will tell you
what's wrong and what
to do about it. It
takes ten seconds and
costs ten dollars...a
lot cheaper than a
doctor."
So Bob deposits a urine
sample in a small jar
and takes it to WalMart.
He deposits ten
dollars, and the
computer lights up and
asks for the urine
sample. He pours the
sample into the slot
and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer
ejects a printout: "You
have tennis elbow. Soak
your arm in warm water
and avoid heavy
activity. It will
improve in two weeks."
That evening while
thinking how amazing
this new technology
was, Bob began
wondering if the
computer could be
fooled.
Stanley mixed
• some tap water
• a stool sample from
his dog
• urine samples from
his wife and daughter
• and masturbated into
the mixture for good
measure.
Bob hurries back to WalMart, eager to check
the results. He
deposits ten dollars,
pours in his
concoction, and awaits
the results.
The computer prints the
following
Your tap water is too
hard. Get a water
softener. Your dog has
ringworm. Bathe him
with anti-fungal
shampoo. Your daughter
has
a cocaine habit.
Get her into rehab.
Your wife is pregnant.
Twins. They aren't
yours. Get a lawyer. If
you don't stop playing
with yourself, your
elbow will never get
better. Thank you for
shopping at WalMart
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Mexican Altaco terrorist
hits train |
January 26, 2005
A Mexican burrito
extremist terrorist
struck a commuter train
today with an SUV train
bomb. Shouting "St.
Lupe is great!" the
Altaco terrorist lost
his nerve at the last
minute and ran like a
weasel. Later
interviewed in jail, he
held a photo of Mohamed
Atta (9/11 pilot);
explaining that Atta
had been his role model
but he couldn't afford
flying lessons. |
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